my birthday gift to myself was to start an onlyfans page

2025 was a crazy year for me. i had been kicked out my house for the 2nd or 3rd time, and was left homeless yet also traveling to osaka japan for a 4 month long semester in school. my mom was an emotional trainwreck. she threatened me financially, said she was not going to pay for the final year of my school. i was devastated. and so i left on a 4 month long journey in another country, with no support from my primary parent, homeless, and as far as i knew, also done with remainder of my school, once this term was up.

i spent my semseter in japan trapped bewteen a helpless, depressed daze, yet also an excited and freeing time being on my own and on the other side from my very scary parent.

im a pisces, and when march of 2025 came around, after a long contemplation period, i chose to log into my phone and create my very first OF account.

i’d heard of OF, and mostly thought “this is something my mom would never let me do”. like i said, i was deathly afraid of my mom up to that point. she had threatened and harmed me in so many ways. i felt scared, and mostly desperate to find a way to support myself that didn’t require her at all.

i was tired of being told i would never be shit unless i followed all of her rules, going to college, getting the job she deemed “worthy”, and the list kept going on.

there was a time in 11th grade where I realized that it would never be enough, and that depressed me the most. i realized that my mom would never stop wanting to live through me, and control all of my actions on the basis of money and "me “being her child”. i felt trapped and knew there had to be a way out.

my friends and partner at the time brought up OF as a way to make money easily.

finally, alone in a dorm room in japan, 3 months in of not speaking to my abusive mother, i decided to take the leap.

at first, i was surprised by how easy it was to make an account. in less than 24 hours i was all set up and could start sharing! i felt nervous but mostly really excited to do something that would make me money in the moment i needed it.

i had been pursuing social media my entire time in japan, making reels everyday and taking YouTube and Pinterest seriously. my motivation was to create a sustainable business, so that i could go home, and leave my mom’s house, forever.

it didn’t exactly turn out that way, but alas i am ok, in a safe place, and with people that really do care about me.

OF was the stepping stone i desperately needed to feel some sense of control in my own spiraling life. having your own money creates that sense of independence that someone struggling with being abused needs.

there was backlash from my mom, and other toxic people in my life at the time. my mom actually literally told me “you can do the same thing sucking dick for $5 on the corner”. super unsupportive and just down right mean ;( another partner i really didn’t need to be dating at the time told me i was “disrespecting the og’s that really do it out here” and the people that go into sex work for survival. not completely untrue, but what hurt more in this case, was that he never once asked me why i was doing it, even though i know he had a pretty good guess why.

starting my onlyfans set off a lot of really intense changes in my life, like the loss of half my followers to my Instagram page being completely deactivated. (which didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, but now i kinda miss :) ). i felt really isolated but also freer than ever in that, i had the control over my life. my mom was no longer pulling the strings, becuase i was doing something that had nothing to do with her, and freed me from her grasp.

im not saying that onlyfans is an easy game to get into, and offers an instant living or anything, but with time and learning, i’ve grown to love it and want to really succeed in it for my future. more importantly, i’ve grown to really love myself and appreciate the fact that i did whatever i could to get out of that abusive situation.

now im in a much happier place, and questions like “why am i doing this?” “what do i want?” “how do i want to live my life?” all go through my mind. i’m blessed to be in a place where i have a little more choice, and peace of mind to think about these things.

if you have a similar story to share, or simply wanna connect, feel free to send me an email and follow @zenxbia.music on ig. thank you!